I’ve Missed You!

I’ve missed you.  Things have happened.  Occurrences have occurred.  I’ve shrugged my shoulders but it hasn’t made the light change or the carpet heal itself or the yard grow vegetables or the heat go away.  Apparently, shoulder shrugging doesn’t influence the universe.

Also, I missed the birthday of my twins.  How that occurred is still a mystery we’re working on.

I guess I’m just a noodle to be forgiven, or reckoned with, or ignored as appropriate.

But in my defense, here’s what’s happened:  I’m apparently now a diabetic with a broken leg and cholesterol higher than the sky.  I’m now on a big diet thingy that takes away all my mashed potatoes and dark chocolate goodness only to replace them with bok choy and spinach and the only response is to throw one’s hands up in the air and eat the green stuff the dietetician says you now have to eat.  And cry.  And forget shit.

Secondly, my computer got offed by Norton Anti Virus.  Yes, I said killed by the Anti-Virus.  That’s against things that ruin your computer … right?  Anti Virus? Against Viruses?  Nevertheless, my computer died when we stupidly clicked on the Yes, we’d so much like to update our Norton AnitiVirus button.  How ridiculous of us.

Thirdly, my leg is a swollen mess of purple flesh just because I decided thirteen weeks on the couch was just enough, thank you very much, and I’ve been SHOPPING again.  For God’s sake, I have PLASTIC burning a hole in my wallet!  It’s not my fault.  For heaven’s sake, it’s only plastic.  What’s the harm in that, right?

Still, all the shopping in the world doesn’t explain how a mother could disremember the birth of her twins.  Her Beautiful Twins.  The two gorgeous girls who nearly tore her body apart during the aperture of their birth.  How could a mother forget that?  Even with the broken leg stuck in the air and the heat and the computer thingy and the being diabetic thingy and the dog that eats the house and the backyard and all that wine sitting in the box waiting to be consumed.

How could it be?  Oh, did I mention that I also have the sniffles … AND … a bladder infection?

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