Take a Breath

For two days I’ve been trying to hook words together like a train, one car after another. It’s not working. I’ve tried to be clever, to be funny. I’ve tried sincerity, intellectualism, and stoicism. I’ve tried to be smart, or dumb, or whatever it took to be articulate. Nothing has worked. I have no cutsey pictures to precede this post.

So, maybe I’ll just tell the truth.

The truth is, I’m still scared.

Every lung test has shown that My Dan is in Stage I lung cancer, the best of all possibilities. We’re non-smokers. This should be easy.

Yet, I’m still scared.

The thought that My Dan has been invaded once more by cancer is not acceptable. Not acceptable, in the least. Still, the news is good. Every test so far indicates that this one (just like his prostate cancer) was caught incidental and before any spread. So far, we’re operating on a Stage I lung cancer, get-that-lobe-out scenario.

We expect surgery sometime next week or the week after. As far as I’m concerned, it’s going to be a very good Holiday. We’ve already put up the Christmas tree and I’m looking for a menorah to cover all the bases. I know, I’m silly.

Still, the truth really is…I’m scared. On the day of Dan’s surgery, I’ll sit alone, in a hard, straight-backed chair, waiting for good news. But this isn’t about me or my discomfort. This is about My Dan, and the whole thing for him really sucks. Can I say that? Yeah. It sucks.


6 thoughts on “Take a Breath

  1. I admire your courage to be truthful about where you are- that you are afraid and are still moving forward and thinking positively. Breathing helps to feel, feeling what is really there helps move the feeling rather than stuffing them which in turn will create illness. I wish you the best and hope your Dan is feeling all that is occurring for him physically and emotionally- this will accelerate his healing- “you can’t heal what you can’t feel”. Blessings to you

    • Thank you so much, Michelle. I’m honored by your kind and truthful words. Yes, this is a tough time, but we are enjoying each moment as it comes … and “feeling” this difficult time like crazy!

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