Let’s not think about it yet … that coming New Year when we’re obligated to make resolutions based on what we’ve learned from the previous year. Let’s instead sip another Caramel Macchiato Latte thingy that fusses with our blood sugar and our already trembly fingers and our thumpy, thumpy heart.
Let’s have another cookie!
But then, that’s been the problem this past year — too many cookies and too few ambles around the block.
Yet, there are lessons here … no? Lesson being: It’s not safe for hubby to mention how much more room wifey takes up on the couch. Nope. Not safe at all.
But then, I’m projecting onto another soul’s lesson. So in the spirit of expediency, may I offer the following resolutions for the coming year. (Please note: these are YOUR resolutions, not mine.)
- If the kitchen needs spiffying up, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed will appreciate your ministrations toward all things cleanliness.
- If you’ve left your used undergarments on the bedroom floor, you deserve The Look from your Significant Other (SO). (The same applies for unmowed lawns and things inappropriately placed in the way of your SOs car in the garage.)
- If your SO has gone a year without a mani/pedi, it’s time to man-up and arrange a glorious full spa day, holidays or not.
- Surprise your SO with a special corner in the house. She/He deserves grand moments of private time, without question, without exception.
- Never, never, never hold up Tiger Woods’ extraneous behavior as your new standard of behavior. Big trouble. Big, Big trouble!
- Try to remember to shave now and then.
- Read books that expand you and cause you to think.
- Support your local bookstore … and your local writer.
- It’s okay to have a cookie. Now and then.
- It’s also really, really okay to have a giant piece of chocolate cake — as often as you want!
- Eat a vegetable. Vegetables are your friends.
- Don’t disparage your wife’s wrinkles, saggy places or her newly-diagnosed diabetes/breast cancer/osteoporosis. (I’m sorry, is that mean?) If you accidentally do so, RUN to Jared or your local jeweler for a proper and propitiatiive high ticket gift.
- Love your wife’s Chihuahua. In fact, buy her a special carry bag for the little dear. It”s the only safe course.
- Wipe down the shower when you’re done.
- Be sweet.
- Give something to your favorite local charity, especially if your gift stays local.
- Eat potatoes. The Irish will LOVE you for it — I hear Idahoans will love you too.
- Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
That’s all I can 0ffer. If you have other thoughts, please bravely share them.
In the meantime, enjoy your holidays and think carefully about those full-throttle resolutions for the New Year. Remember, I don’t care about your full-throttle hips. I’m, in fact, roaring through life myself!