How to Wallpaper the Guest Room

I went to the Wallpaper store today to pick out something for our guest bedroom — just one wall. I found the concept in a magazine and couldn’t wait to reproduce it– something complicated, involving tape measures and fancy molding.

Honest! I went for wallpaper. It’s not my fault that the store didn’t carry wallpaper anymore, and I came home with two chairs and a table instead. Really!

Him: You’re back fast. Did you find your wallpaper already?

Me: Um, no.

Him: Oh, that’s too bad. (He’s doing the Happy Dance behind his eyes.) So, no wallpaper? (He’s doing the Twist, the Churnin’ Butter.)

Me: Um, no. I found something better.

Him: Better than wallpaper? (He’s stops doing the Vonage commercial Spank the Monkey dance — Mid-Spank.)

Me: Yeah. Um, I need some help getting it out of the car. It’s big.

Him: (Panic invades.) Out of the car? Big?

Me: Um, yeah.

Him: You need help? (Panic rising higher.) What’d you get?

Me: Just two fabulous chairs and a to-die-for table. I can get the chairs myself. (I offer.) I just need help with the table base and glass top.

Him: I thought you were getting wallpaper. (There’s no dancing going on anymore.)

Me: Um, no. This is way better. It was the same price as the spendy wallpaper (I REALLY offer.) Besides, now we just need to paint.

Him: Oh, good! (Sigh!!!)

God, I love this man!


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