Aug 17

The Ups and Downs

hands2

I visited my sister today and found good news and bad news

Good news —

She is talking again

Bad news –She’s lost her legs and can’t walk
Her blood pressure is 74/45

She’s dizzy – presumably because of that wacky blood pressure
What she says doesn’t make sense
She took my glasses and now they’re hers

Conclusion —

Whatever is going on, I love my sister!

Jun 28

Spicy Friday

When reading, I’ve long had the habit to use bookmarks rather than turning down the page. My reasoning is that one day I’ll release my gathering hoard of books so that others might enjoy them as if they are still new. I’ll arrange them on my drive for a magnificent Saturday morning book sale, or cart their pristine titles to our local used book store. So I keep my books safe. Guarded. Lovely.

Mostly my bookmarks are corners torn from yesterday’s newspaper, or a magazine ready for tossing.

To me, it seems a thrifty way to go.

So today when I opened my newest read (Pulitzer Prize winner, Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout) and transferred my little torn paper bookmark, my eyes fell to the writing on it.

“Hold the Salt,” it read.

But NO, I thought.

I want salt. And cracked pepper shot across the top of everything.
And chipotle.
And soy sauce, dark and salty as night. And ginger. And basil. And thyme.
I want to notice how thyme rhymes with time, because that’s what I want!
I want pesto, and garlic crushed beneath my knife,
Chopped cilantro and tomatoes,
Sweet basil crumbled through my fingers.
I want bright yellow curry and cumin that tastes like the earth.
I want peppers and onions strong enough to cry with me.
I want SPICE.

But Hold the Salt?

Never.

I considered the thought of life as spice as I (for once) folded down the corner of a book, and tossed  that now-useless bookmark with its words of wisdom that don’t apply to me.

At least, not right now.

Jun 26

A Sister and a Super Moon

My sister was quiet today.
Not her usual quietude of wordlessness,
Yet still showing off a riot of facial expressions,
Shoulder shrugs,
Head nodding yes,
Small head shakes of no.
Smiles,
Nose crinkles,
Eye rolls.

No.

Today, her body was quiet.
She seemed less able to track my words,
Her eyes drifted downward,
Closing,
Often.

I think my sister is becoming weary.
Alzheimer’s rides heavy on the shoulders
Of its people.

Yes.

I think she’s displaying weariness…
Or maybe it’s just a hot summer Phoenix day,
So soon after
The rising tide of
A Super Moon.

Jun 24

Still Always

My sister no longer speaks.
Often she refuses food. Sometimes, she eats.
The thing I’m learning is that … it’s her choice.
She’s my sister. My SaSa. The person who took responsibility over me,
When there was no one else. We were children and she took my hand,
And she took me along with her … to the movies, to the store, to school.
She gave me herself.
Now it’s my turn to do the same for her.
So I’m learning.
There’s dignity in silence.
There’s grace within a turning-away from what is (to her) distasteful.
There’s love in quietly rocking oneself to whatever
Music plays in one’s head.
She is still leading me.
Still teaching me.
Still my SaSa. My big sister.

Still always my Sunflower Bouquet.

Jun 21

Words

My beautiful sister is totally silent now

All words are gone

It diminishes my love for her …

Not one iota.

She’s my touchstone, my center.

I don’t care if she can’t talk,

She’s my sister!

Still, the family genetics live on.

Please consider donating to the Alzheimer’s Association here. They won’t FORGET your gift. Also, remember to pass on the arms-around-you, I’m-right-in-the-struggle-with-you message from the nationally award-winning novel, All the Dancing Birds. We’re considering the notion of making the story into a musical. After all, who doesn’t dance with the birds to the music of our souls?

Thank you,

Auburn

Jun 09

Phoenix

These are the days of misery in Phoenix.

We set temperature records.
We are an oven with one setting – hot, hot, hot!
We grow things with sharpened spines and teeth,
Hairy legs and lengths of coiled mouths.
We try not to think about it.
Still, we shake out our shoes and listen across the shimmering heat
For rattling sounds and
The night time cry of hungry coyotes,
And dust swirling high into the early evening sky.